Maybe abnormal isn’t so abnormal anymore

So what is normal? For anyone with experience of mental illness, ‘normal’ is a curiosity. By Scott McKeen

So what is normal?
For anyone with experience of mental illness, ‘normal’ is a curiosity.
Hearing voices, for example, is considered abnormal. But what about self talk, or self criticism? Is that insane?
What is the line between collector and hoarder? How long should grief or heartache last? Is voter apathy normal?
OK, that last one was as more socio-political than psychological. But societies, I’d argue, can be insane, too.
Nassir Ghaemi, in his book A First-Rate Madness, even argues that some of history’s great leaders suffered psychological disorders; that their so-called madness was a leadership strength, especially in crises.
Almost everyone I know or have met is at least somewhat quirky or eccentric, to put it politely. Same story for people I’ve met with power and influence — politicians, journalists, doctors, lawyers, mental health professionals. They, too, are beset with insecurities, anxiety, depresson and/or addictions — usually workaholism, but often alcoholism, acknowledged or not.
Dr. Gabor Mate, whose books on mental health, addiction and parenting are hot sellers, is a self-admitted workaholic, who is also in recovery from a shopping addiction to classical music CDs.
Part of Mate’s wisdom is in admitting these things to the public and to himself.
There is tremendous therapeutic power in acceptance — in admitting to ourselves that we are struggling with, say, depression.
Acceptance isn’t a complete answer, but it allows room to breathe — to step out of the endless feedback loops of anxiety and self criticism that comes with mental illness. I can remember times when I suddenly realized I was worrying obsessively about something, Then I became worried about what all this worry was doing to me. Yes, I was anxious about being anxious. Feedback loop upon feedback loop.
A wise man I once met said: “The problem isn’t the problem, the struggle is the problem.”
In other words, depression, anxiety and addiction are part of the human condition. But we only feed and fuel them when we obsess about them — when we constantly struggle to out-think this thing inside us.
If we accept that we are depressed, suffering acute or chronic anxiety, or self-medicating with booze — or drugs, gambling, shopping, pornography, etc — the next step is easier to take. We seek help.
Acceptance is just the first of many early and huge gains we can make in recovery. Acceptance, you see, leads to surrender.
Surrender leads us on a new path. You’re asking: Where does the path lead?
Not to normal, I can assure you. But so what? That place is a ghost town.
(Former journalist Scott McKeen is the owner of McKeen Communications. You can reach him at [email protected])